Sound of Silence (aka. SOS)
by AbbyLockhartFan
Summary: Abby Lockhart finds herself thrown deeper and deeper into depression, and as her anguish increases she finds herself more and more helpless. Who can save her? Chapter 3 up now!
1. SOS Chapter 1

Title: Sound of Silence  
  
Author: Vicky  
  
Contact: Either e-mail me at whenthesharkbites@hotmail.com or visit my website: http://www.erontheweb.cjb.net  
  
Category: Abby Lockhart (might become Luby, not sure though)  
  
Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, but the story does so please e-mail me if you desperately want to put it on your site! *lol*  
  
Spoilers: Um.none I don't think, just maybe Series 7  
  
Notes: It's about how Abby falls into depression. At the moment it focuses on Abby and Luka makes a short appearance. I don't know if I'll make it into a Luby. Please read it, I've quite enjoyed writing it so far. Chapter Two should be up soon! :)  
  
Sound of Silence - Chapter One -  
  
As her alarm clock began to buzz, Abby Lockhart pressed to silence it. The truth was she hadn't been sleeping. In fact she had barely slept at all for a long time. Each night she would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling for hours until she would be finally overtaken by exhaustion...but barely a few hours later she would awaken. The deafening sound of silence rang in her ears. Alone.  
  
She arrived at the hospital. Glancing at the clock she noted the time: almost quarter to seven. There was once a time when early starts bothered her, she would feel tired and drawn. Now things were different, she had already been wide awake for the majority of the early hours.  
  
Ignoring the people around her, proceeding to keep themselves busy, she make her way to the lounge where she poured herself a mug of coffee, not that she needed a caffeine boost, she just enjoyed the taste. She walked to her locker, coffee in hand. As she opened it she took notice of the pictures pinned to the inside of it: herself, friends, lost loves, family. She closed her eyes as the memories flooded back to her.  
  
After spending a while reminiscing, Abby walked out of the lounge into her shift. She grabbed a chart: Mr Southerby. Him again? She thought. How many bed baths can one guy need?  
  
Abby often wondered why they made the colours in the hospital so depressing. She never really noticed before but for some reason as she was changing the drip on one of the patients she noticed. She was beginning to notice little things like that now. "Abby?" Abby turned at the sound of her name. "Yes?" she replied to the nurse. "Dr Kovac needs some help in the next room," the nurse saw Abby about to object. "He asked for you personally." Abby knew Luka always had a soft spot for her, even after they split up. And even after everything that had happened, she still had a soft spot for him too. "Okay, I'll be right there," she replied, finishing off with her current patient.  
  
Entering the room, she saw Luka look up. Abby put on a forced smile. It felt odd and not automatic as smiles once were to her. "Yes, Abby, I could do with some help here," Luka's foreign accent spilled out. She sometimes noticed that it still made her knees weaken. She felt privileged that he always wanted her help rather than a random nurse. They treated a patient who was a victim of astrocytoma - a slowly growing tumour of the glial tissue of the brain and spinal chord.  
  
"Thank you, Abby," Luka smiled as they finished with the patient. He headed for the door but then turned. He opened his mouth as if to say something to her but as his eyes wondered he became aware of the patient's existence. "Um...never mind."  
  
The cool air brushed her face and hair as Abby stood on the roof of County General. Looking over at the dark city the night closed in on her. The only light remaining from the window panels on the door behind her and the dim lights of the city. It was beautiful, but she didn't seem to accept it. Instead she thought of all the hurt and pain she had suffered in Chicago. "I hope I'm not intruding on anything...?" She hadn't noticed another person join her until they spoke. It was hard to mistake that Croatian accent for anyone else. "Hi," she said to Luka, "No, it's fine. I think I could do with the company." "Could I have a word?" he asked her. "Even better, I'll give you two," she joked with him. He smiled. "I just want to know if you're okay, Abby?" he questioned in a concerned tone. Abby knew the answer. She hadn't been okay for a long time. She didn't know why but Luka knew this, no one else realised that she had been feeling anything different. She put up a defensive front, even her good friend John Carter didn't realise this. "I'm fine," Abby croaked, she tried to cover it up with a reassuring smile. She could tell Luka didn't buy it. "Well if you say so, Abby," he smiled back. "If you need to talk then you can come to me whenever you need me." "Thank you," Abby responded.  
  
Returning to her apartment, Abby collapsed on her sofa. It was time for her depression to become stronger again. Getting up and walking to the kitchen she opened a cupboard and selecting a bottle of alcohol retreated back to her place in the lounge. She unscrewed the bottle top and peered down at the clear vodka liquid within it. With a sudden rush of energy she threw the bottle on the floor, causing the glass to shatter into a thousand pieces and form a compound with the liquid. Collapsing to her knees Abby Lockhart broke down into tears.  
  
: : More to come : : 


	2. SOS Chapter 2

Sound of Silence - Chapter Two -  
  
*Knock, knock*  
  
Abby slowly opened her eyes, adjusting to the light. As she sat up she realised that she had cried herself to sleep on the floor last night.  
  
*Knock, knock, knock*  
  
She realised what it was that had woken her up. She got up, avoiding standing on the pieces of broken glass on the floor and walked to the door. "Ouch," she said as she failed to dodge a sharp piece of glass that pierced her foot. She reached the door and opened it slightly, making sure no one could see into the wrecked apartment. She saw Luka standing there. "Hey," she said with a smile. "What are you doing here?" "I thought I would give you a lift to work, save you walking," he offered. His face contorted into an awkward look as he noticed her peering through only a small gap in the door. He gave out a short laugh, "Is everything okay, Abby?!" "Uh-huh, but I don't think I'll be going to work today, I'm feeling slightly sick," Abby told him. "Can I smell alcohol on your breath?" Luka asked, suddenly becoming very serious. "No!" Abby snapped at him, realising that the smell must have stained her clothes. "Look, Luka, I'm not coming into work today, you can tell Weaver and Greene that I'm sick, please," she ended and shut the door in his face. Turning around with her back against the door she sighed as a tear ran down her cheek.  
  
Later on in the day the phone started ringing. Abby remained sprawled across the couch pondering about her life, drowned in a mass of tear stained tissues. The machine picked up the message:  
  
"Hi Abby, it's me," Luka said down the phone, "I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now...it's just, well, I'm worried about you...I don't want you to do anything...well just call me back as soon as you can," the tone of his voice was apprehensive and shaky, "Please, Abby..." he added and hung up the phone.  
  
Lowering her head Abby felt pangs of guilt for the way she had treated Luka that morning. She lifted her eyes and gazed out of the window, the weather somehow fitted her mood. The drops of rain chased each other down the window pain. The wind howled against it, causing the raindrops to hit against the window hard. Just looking into the grey exterior she knew that it must have been freezing cold. Just like her the weather was cold and miserable. The difference was the weather often turned and you could have days of bright sunshine, Abby felt that there would never be sunshine in her life again. "How did you let yourself get like this?" she mumbled to herself, her eyes welling up.  
  
Abby strolled into work the next day. She didn't feel like being there at all but she knew that she would be risking her job not to go. As she walked into the lounge she noticed that Carter was also there. "Hey," she said with a weak smile. Carter smiled back and approached her. "Hey, how are you, you don't look so good," he said. "Thanks for the pick-me-up," she joked with him and smiled. He became more serious, Abby noticed he had the same kind of expression that Luka had when he spoke to her the other day. She suddenly swallowed hard, knowing exactly what was coming. "I spoke to Luka," Carter informed her. "Oh, yeah?" she said, trying to keep normal. "He's really worried about you, Abby," he said, "And if it comes to Luka consulting me about it then it must be something bad!" He tried to lighten his sentence with a little joke. "I'm fine," she lied. "He said that he thinks you might be drinking again," he said, "Is it true, are you?" Abby shook her head. "No, honestly, I haven't," it was the first truth she'd told in a long time. No she hadn't been drinking, yes she wanted to though. Carter looked at her for a moment, as if he was considering her to see if she was being earnest. Susan Lewis popped her head in the lounge door, "Carter, trauma coming in, Mark said he needs you." "Okay, I'll be there in a moment," he said and Susan left. He turned back to Abby. "If you say you're fine I'm not going to contradict you." Abby nodded and smiled. "It doesn't mean that I'm not worried about you," said Carter. He walked to the door and was about to go out but he turned to say one more thing: "I think you should apologise to Luka, Abby," he advised, "I know me and Luka are not the greatest of friends, but he was only trying to help you. He cares for you, you know? Just because you've broken up doesn't mean that you both stop caring for each other." With that he left too. Abby brushed a hand through her hair and let you a deep breath. She wasn't exactly sure that she could face seeing Luka, he was the only one who could see through her and know exactly how she was feeling. 


	3. SOS Chapter 3

Sound of Silence - Chapter Three -  
  
**Sorry if the medical jargon is wrong, I'm not very good at this!  
  
Abby walked into a trauma room, "You paged a nurse?" she asked Carter who was working on someone with Susan Lewis and Kerry Weaver. "I think Dr Greene needs you to help him and Dr Kovac in the next room," Weaver butted in before Carter had a chance to speak. "Okay," Abby replied and walked into the next trauma room.  
  
"Ah, Abby," Greene said as she entered. "We've got an MVA with major head trauma -" Before Mark could finish speaking several machines started bleeping very loudly. "He has stopped breathing," Kovac shouted over the machines. "Bag him," Mark told him. "He's loosing a lot of blood, start some transfusions, Abby," he instructed. Abby started to do what he said. Hooking the patient up to yet another drip she applied the blood bag. "Oh, no, we've lost the pulse," Luka said. "Start compressions," Mark instructed. "Abby, charge to three-hundred." "Clear!" No reaction. "Charge to 500." "Clear!" "Normal rhythm," Abby announced. After this they managed to get the patient back to normal stats and she was sent up to the OR for surgery.  
  
Mark left the room and Abby continued to clean up, Luka stayed and helped her. They stayed in silence for a while until Abby spoke up. "I'm sorry about the way I acted yesterday," she proclaimed. "I've just been a little distressed recently and when you mentioned the alcohol thing I got very defensive." "It's okay," he accepted. "I didn't mean to jump to conclusions." "You were probably right to suspect that," she said. Luka's pager went off. "Ugh, it is so busy in here today, I'm sorry Abby but I've got to go. Remember whenever you need to talk I'm here - except when I'm being paged every two minutes!" He laughed. Abby smiled. "Okay, thanks." Luka grinned back and then left. Abby was alone, again.  
  
Looking in the mirror in the bathroom Abby brushed through her hair. She stopped and started at herself. The grey bags under her eyes from her insomnia. The pale of her skin and her dry lips. She was wearing barely any make-up, not that she wore much but now she never felt like wearing it. Pointless. The door opened and she saw from the mirror that it was Susan Lewis. She continued brushing her hair and tied it up into a ponytail. She gave Susan a polite smile and then went to walk out.  
  
"What have you done with Abby?" Susan said as she was just about to walk out. Abby turned around, slightly confused by what she said. "Excuse me?" "Oh, sorry, it's just you're Abby, you know, you're always chatting or joking," Susan explained, "I just wondered why you're suddenly not like that. It's like you're a different person or something." Abby gave a distant, feeble smile. "She's not here right now."  
  
Later on, her shift had finished and she was walking home. As she passed a row of shops, one in particular caught her eye: a liquor store. She stood for a few moments determining a crucial decision. She eventually settled on going into the shop.  
  
After purchasing a bottle of tequila she left the store but as she did she soon regretted it. Luka stood a few yards away from Abby. "What are you doing?" He said with the angriest expression Abby had ever seen cross Luka's face. "I - I -" Abby didn't know how to answer. "I can't believe you stood there and lied to me, Abby." She now noticed that his expression wasn't so much angry than it was disappointed. "I didn't lie to you, Luka, I swear," Abby started to explain herself, "I've only just bought this...I - I wasn't sure if I was even going to have it!" Luka just stared at her. "How can I believe you?" He said and walked away from their argument.  
  
Abby slumped down on a bench near by. She unscrewed the lid off the bottle, hesitated for a moment but then took a swig of liquor. It tasted good, and Abby felt the sudden taste that she now realised she had been missing. She sat there, alone once again, in the dark night doing the one thing that scared her most: surrendering. 


End file.
